My wife and I had our first son back in August and to say that our whole world has changed would be an understatement. Stephanie and I were raised to work hard. She is an accountant and I am an attorney. Both of us work long hours and didn’t think about it a whole lot. When we came home, often we brought work, but we still spent a lot of time together. Things were great!
Then, along came Cole. Now, we still have to work hard to take care of the house payment and the student loans from law school. But we are torn. We want to spend a lot of time at home as a family, especially with our son.
One of the things that have been sacrificed is our personal time together. Our relationship is not distant or bad, it is still great. We love each other tons. We just don’t get the same personal time together. That eight hours per night while we’re sleeping doesn’t count!
It is my goal to bring back the spark in our marriage. To go back to our “dating days” and to pursue my wife like I did when we were dating. I don’t know exactly what I’m going to do – but I have to try! Any ideas on things I can do to make our marriage more romantic? To pursue my wife? I am going to begin to write a series on being a good husband, how to pursue your wife, and how to make her feel loved. Basically, I want to put on a romantic husband clinic. But I want to say up front, I am not in a position to teach on this topic. This is something that I need to learn and something I feel like I’m being called to learn myself and that I should share with others.
This is a great idea. I am guilty of getting in that rut and not pursueing my wife. Fortunatly I am in the military and they provide us with things called marriage retreat. teaching you ways to get the spark back and to learn each other again. I found a book at one of them called “The Five Love Languages”. this is a helpful book. Also if you are really commited try http://www.laughyourway.com they offer a video collection costly but worth it. Me and my wife were on the rocks bad with all the deploying and me not always being focuse on our marriage. these videos help explain a lot and give great tips on things that can be done to help. I am by no means an expert cause i attended a couple seminars or watched a video. But I can tell you our marriage has gotten stronger, and I hope we will eventually get back to what we were when we met. by the way we have four kids so i know how you feel like there is never any time for just alone time. Please any wisdom you have please pass it along and share the experiences.
Hi David,
Thanks for the comment. I think it is definitely an ongoing process and something you have to stay committed to on an ongoing basis. Thanks for the recommendation of the resources laughyourway.com and The Five Love Languages.
By the way, thanks for all you do for our country.
God bless,
Tripp
Leave her little romantic notes. Buy her flowers – the flowers don’t have to expensive. It’s the thought that counts. Arrange a date at least once a month. Help out with chores. Don’t complain if she occasionally wants to do something by herself or with her friends.
Thats Funny, I just finished a list of 22 things that make me feel loved in my marriage for my husbands wallet(assignment from our counselor) I’ll paste it maybe it will help.
1. Compliments of my talents or positive qualities
2. Asking how I’m feeling? Asking If there’s anything that he can do?
3. When he tries to help me fix my problems when I talk to him about it.
4. When he apologizes, and WANTS to talk about it, to solve as a team.
5. Surprising me with a gift- even a .50 cent gift.
6. Going on an adventure like rock climbing or even to the store together.
7. Reading a book together.
8. Calling just to say hi.
9. Being Pursued- Planning a date and asking me out 2 to 3 days ahead of Time.
10. Getting dressed up and wearing cologne to impress me on a date.
11. When he’s not vulgar, swearing, or gross for me but also for him.
12. Love notes.
13. Leaving me a message on facebook,myspace, email or even mailing a letter to me.
14. Working to better himself for him and for me.
15. Holding me when I’m sad
16. Wiping my tears.
17. Taking the initiative to hold hands, to cuddle, to hug for no reason.
18. Coming to bed with me.
19. Being supportive of my interests and dreams.
20. Thinking things trough before opening his mouth to argue and either walking away or explaining things gently.
21. Having patience with me.
22. When he’s really listening. (looking at me, asking questions.)
The Date feels like it is a gift from you to me, it makes me feel very loved when you plan it out and ask me out. A Gift that we get to enjoy together. If you ask me to make the reservations, or buy or pack something for the date, it’s like asking me to go buy and wrap a gift for me. It sucks, feels like why would I want to go out with you if you don’t even want to plan it out for me. You just obviously don’t value me as someone you want to pursue. This sounds negative but it helps to explain why it bothers me when I get asked out and then asked to make the reservations, buy the things for the date, ect.
Conversation helps me feel like we’re entwined in each other’s lives. When you care about what I’m saying by nodding, saying Uh-huh, and asking questions, it makes me feel like you care about my life. And you want to be a part of it. It makes me feel closer to you, a part of you, more romantic towards you.
By the way, if you mailed a letter to her with obviously a letter but also a love coupon of some kind, or asking her out on a date you have planned in the letter, or perhaps with a little promise ring or something like that inside it, that would get you like a thousand brownie points. Thanks for your time.
Just ran across this thread; thank you for the post Tripp and for the comment, Ali! If you can think of anything more I’m all ears. This is an area where I really need to grow – pursuing my wife. There are some real gems on this page, this is good! Thank you again and God Bless!
Hi funny… just finished a deep talked with my husband re this topic and nice to show him a resource to get help. It doesn’t mean that if you’re not pursuing your wife as much as before that you lost your love toward her…it’s just you became so familiar to each other and maybe have taken each other for granted (both ways, husband and wife).
My comment is to listen closely to your wife and know what does she really want, likes, her needs and focus on them…but don’t be predictable and boring…doing same things all the time. I like the book Five love languages. Know her love language and fill that…and keep filling (be consistent). The thing is women like consistency and variety…surprise her if she likes surprises. Most of all, you blessed and secured her if your life’s priority is God and second you respect her deeply.
I heard Mark Gungor ones said (laugh your way to a better marriage)…it’s not an excuse if you’re a man say you’re not romantic. God created you to be a man and that means you are to pursue…and you have that abilities in you. You just have to find ways how to do it. Blessings guys as you desire to pursue your wife.