Many times when you think of great leaders and successful people you think of Donald Trump and Ted Turner - people with large personalities, who demand things, and there is no compromise.  You think of people that are quieter, seemingly more timid or less gregarious as being weak leaders.

I disagree.  Not solely because I am quiet and restrained, and a "nice guy" (and I also feel like I am a good leader), but because I have seen it work, and I have seen the opposite fail miserably and drive people further apart.

One of the great books that I have read is Dale Carnegie’s classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People.  In it there is a line that says (to paraphrase) "a teaspoon of honey catches more flies than a gallon of bile."  I have found this to be true.  

Proverbs 16: 23 says, "A wise man’s heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction." Proverbs 15: 1 says, "a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

Finally, Proverbs 16 goes on to say in verse 24, "pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." 

When you are nice to someone, they cannot help but be nice back to you.  Especially, when they have started out in the "relationship" with a lot of conflict.   The Bible says if you are nice to someone when they have first been evil to you, it is like heaping burning coals on their heads (Romans 12: 20-21).

In my experience, I have helped clients get what they want and have not had to be the local jerk to get it done.  There are a lot of attorneys who are like this and feel like it helps them in their negotiations.  Like they can somehow strong-arm me into agreeing with them because they yell, use profane language, or otherwise try to intimidate me.  That may work for some people, but when you are dealing with someone who is as sophisticated as you, it never works.  It only detracts from the end result that you desire to obtain. 

I think you go a long way with politeness when being a leader.  When you encourage the people that are following you rather than putting them down.  Now, people are never going to please you 100% of the time, nor are they going to produce your expected result 100% of the time.  And many times they will let you down.  However, I would argue that you aren’t a leader when you feel like you have to put down those who are working for you to make them do their job better.  Sometimes you have to take a hard line, but that does not mean you have to belittle and put down people.

Try leading like a "nice guy" and see how your people react and respond to you.